why do you and why you dont

"Why don’t you love me?” is impossible as a question (though a far less pleasant one) to ask as “Why do you love me?” In both cases, we come up against our lack of conscious control in the amorous structure, the fact that love has been brought to us as a gift for reasons we never wholly determine or deserve.

To ask such questions, we are forced to veer on one side towards complete arrogance, on the other to complete humility: “What have I done to deserve love?” asks the humble lover; I have done nothing. “What have I done to be denied love?” protests the betrayed one, arrogantly claiming possession of a gift that is never one’s due.

To both questions, the one who hands out love can only reply: “Because you are you” – an answer that leaves the beloved dangerously and unpredictably strung between grandiosity and depression.